i watch the last of the light of the sun disappear through the trace of a cloud does it cross your mind we might see the same colors? as they reach their hands out and sink through the ground do you watch the stars as they fade into view, and think of the people they've served as a guide? do you turn your head up to ask for the answers? the weight of their arms as they hold up the sky if only they knew what to say, they would say it out loud there's a reason they've left us to figure it out so forgive me if i fall asleep i'm trying my best to remember my dreams

i only come when i'm called, like a dog stumbling outside through the middle of the night when i claw on your door you don't dare let me in you don't know where i've been but i know you'll call when you need me around i can keep still, no i won't make a sound you can spill all your fears every secret you keep if you'll lull me to sleep but i'll stay awake next time, i promise watch as the stars disappear with the dawn and you're holding the sun in the palm of your hands as i cling to the dark you'll call me in the morning when it's gone i'm tired of waiting up until you feel alone and when you tell me all the dreams you had last night i'll wonder if i was in yours like you're in mine how could i ever ask? you know i couldn't ask you what you see i've had too much, you know i should get home you say it's fine, you don't mind driving stoned when you're smiling at me, like you say what you mean are you bearing your teeth? roar of an engine that cuts like a knife i turn my head, there i am in your lights and you don't hit the brakes there's no fear in your eyes no reflection of mine how could i give you what i promised? i watch the stars pull apart at the dawn you know you've got my heart in the palm of your hands but is that what you want? so call me in the morning when it's gone i'm tired of waiting up until you feel alone and when you tell me all the dreams you had last night i'll wonder if i was in yours, like you're in mine how could i ever ask? you know i couldn't you what they mean cause i'm sinking down straight through the ground right as the sun starts to spill through the clouds and you reach out your hands, like you're piercing the stars you cut them open, you tear out their hearts if that's what you want, it's alright you can take it, it's not mine to have you'd only have to ask i know you'll never ask i watch the light as it cuts through the dark i see the sky fill the shape of your arms you know i hate to leave, i'm not sure what to say see you soon, and drive safe

today i will eat breakfast for the first time in 3 months i think i'm growing tired of the feeling of my skin around my bones i thought if i shriveled to nothing i could lay my body bare but i'm not empty, no my stomach's full of air today i will eat breakfast then i'll sit in my backyard and later when it's dark outside i'll come back out and look up at the stars i don't know any constellations, haven't got the slightest clue i think it's nice to just have something else to do today i will eat breakfast then i might go to the store i'll wander through the aisles though i've been through them a thousand times before and i've forgotten what i came here for but hey, you never know you think one day they might sell God at Trader Joe's? today i will eat breakfast i'll have so much time to kill so maybe i'll go hiking on that mountain i'll climb on my favorite hill and in the warmth and glow of sunlight i have never felt so sure i know i can't bear to be nothing anymore you will never be alone as long as i am here and then when i come home i'll see the girl behind the glass i've known them all my life, and still i've never thought to ask if they know that i love them even if not how i should and one day i'll be better when i never thought i would today i will eat breakfast and i'll sort through my old mail i'll learn how to get dressed and i won't step up on a scale i'll do the dishes, i'll eat dinner i will laugh and i will smile and though i know i still feel sick i will get better in a while and then before i go to bed i'll call and say goodnight i haven't seen your face in quite a long time still, i hope that you're alright and you know that i love you i'm so glad that you're my friend tomorrow i will wake up and i'll eat breakfast again